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Friday, April 24

The Mr. Moneybags That Could Have Been

Something happened last night which did not make today a better day. I found a bag that contained $1,000.000. It was just lying there on the street. I could not believe my eyes, so before I picked the bag up to take it home, I went to my optometrist, got a quick examination, updated my prescription, picked out a new set of frames, went to Lens Crafters and waited an hour while they put the lenses into the frames, wore the glasses to test the prescription and feel, paid the lens crafter and thanked him, and finally returned to the site of the money bag.

Unfortunately, by the time I got back to the bag, I was beginning to feel very hungry, so I decided to find a street vendor who would sell me a hot dog. It took me some time, but I did eventually find someone to sell me a dog. And as I stood there staring at the menu, all I could think of was egg salad, dripping from between the lips of a bread crust mouth; perhaps some cheese and tomatoes on top for a little extra zip. That is when I decided to go home and make some hard boiled eggs for the salad, but not before stopping by the grocery store to pick up some fresh bread from their bakery. It wasn't long before I was enjoying the very sandwich that I had envisioned while waiting for a hot dog, paired with a glass of grape juice.

After my meal, I took a short nap and dreamed the most incredible dream: I was on an island and no one else was around. It was just me and a few coconuts. quietly laying on the beach listening to the sound of the waves scraping the sand on which we reclined. As I lay, I could feel myself sinking deeper and deeper into the sand. But I was not frightened. In fact, I was overjoyed. It felt like a sandy blanket was folding over me, hiding me from the prying eyes of the sun (which I know had eyes because it was wearing sunglasses) and keeping me cool and safe. As I opened my mouth to giggle lightly, some of the sand fell into my mouth and I realized that I was actually falling through a large container of whipped cream and I became alarmed. Large quantities of whipped cream can mean only one thing: I was about to be eaten. I looked up and saw the edge of an enormous silver spoon cutting through the cream like it was something even softer and more easily sliced than what was whipped above me. Before I could react, I was on the spoon being lifted towards heaven; a direction that I mean both literally and spiritually. I saw the mouth which was my destination growing larger, and I felt the blast of excited breath as the man who was to eat me chortled at the prospect of the next bite of his desert . I was tossed in for swallowing, which happened just as I made impact with the rippling and writhing tongue. Inside the stomach, I found myself back on the beach from the beginning of my dream, except that the colors were all different. The water, which was blue and clean, was now green and brown, quite filthy looking. The sand on which I now lay was actually a piece of a bagel and the coconuts had been replaced with small balls of sausage. It was then that I woke up.

I got up from the floor, where I had taken my nap, and rushed off to the place where I found the bag of money, but it was gone. I had missed my opportunity to be wealthy. Surely someone else had gotten there first and had gone home with the money; rich in the way that I was meant to be. I felt sad the rest of the day, but now I only feel very bitter and I hope to someday see the man who took my fortune right from under my nose and give him a piece of my mind.

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