Not Warm

It has been spring for some time now and I am sure that so many of you have been talking about the changing weather. I am also sure that those same people spend a lot of time talking about the weather anyway; perhaps they even have some kind of weather reference site, like the Weather Channel on the television or a special spot on the internet. But today, I am talking about the weather that is happening right now; and being that Carrot Top houses its extensive catalog of hit records, from the oldies but goodies to the newer and untested tunes, in a warehouse in Chicago, I would like to discuss the fact that spring is not, in fact, here.

First, let us review a few things. The Earth is on a tilted axis, which means that the Earth, if it had eyes on its northern hemisphere, is continually looking up and then down as it spins from day to night. This tilt is also what gives us our seasons. As the Earth rotates around the sun it heats up as it works hard to stay tilted forward, and because of the fact that hot air rises, this is when the north gets to have summer and the south stays nice and cool for winter. But as the months go on, the Earth gets tired, loses its tilt due to muscle fatigue, and slowly reclines into a more relaxed position, putting its feet upon some kind of celestial table. And because of an instinctual desire to cover ones feet with a blanket when relaxing, the south gets warm while the north cools down.

Usually, this process allows for everyone to experience a reasonable level of both summer and winter. Unfortunately, things are changing. It is becoming more difficult for the Earth to find the motivation to tilt forward. As life on Earth gets easier for its inhabitants, so does it get for the Earth itself. With more time to relax and more distractions to help us "vegetable out," we find ourselves in a constant Pursuit of Leisure, always looking to stimulate the pleasure center in our brains. And it carries over to our Mother Earth, too. (In the Earth's case, the pleasure zone is the final layer of solid crust just outside the molten core.) "One more episode of a favored television show, one more tap on the snooze button, or one more leg of fried or rotisserie chicken," it thinks, "what could be the harm in that?" Then suddenly, it becomes apparent that the day is now lost and the night is finished out with making promises to do better tomorrow. But tomorrow comes and nothing changes. Nothing changes at all.

And what does that mean for the good people of Chicago? Longer winters, shorter summers, and "the shaft." With the recline on the rise we will always lose. That is why we must take action and deny ourselves the Pursuit of Leisure. Leisure will come, it does not need to be hunted like a candy filled dog made of money and television shows.

What we need to do is work. Work hard and work smart, like the kings who ruled in the days of chivalry. We must raise the flag of studiousness and wave it proudly above our castle, while lowering that flag of extreme comfort, draping it over the body of a dead viking, and setting it out to sea for a flaming burial. If we can turn the television off, return the snacks to the pantry, and set about to work, we may just be able to set an example for the Earth which carries our burdens along with us and reverse the effects our terrible Pursuit has had. It is our responsibility now.

Put on your working boots and the gloves which protect your hands from blisters and join in this effort. Call for the "Decline of the Recline!" This is the new motto for the future, and remember: the Future is Now.